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THE INK-DRUMS
THE INK IS A LARGER THAN LIFE CHARACTER. HE IS LARGE AND HE IS A CHARACTER
BUT AS FAR AS HIS LIFE MOST COULD CARE LESS. HIS STORY BEGINS ON THE
BAD STREETS OF JERSEY CITY. HIS TROUBLES BEGAN AT A YOUNG AGE. HE WAS
ALWAYS HANGIN' WITH A BAD CROWD AND USUALLY WOUND UP TAKING ALL THE
BLAME FOR EVERYTHING. HE WAS A CHUBBY LITTLE BASTARD AND COULDN'T QUITE
KEEP UP WITH THE OTHERS THUS ALWAYS RESULTING IN HIS BEING BUSTED. AT
AGE 8 HE GOT CAUGHT STEALING CHIPS AND SODA AT THE LOCAL DELI. HE DID
HIS FIRST JUVI STINT, BUT IT WAS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE PERIODIC ASS
WHOOPINS HIS MOM'S WOULD INFLICT ON HIM. LEGEND HAS IT THE HE WOULD
PURPOSELY GET CAUGHT JUST TO GO TO JUVI CAUSE IT WAS SAFER. HE MET THE
MAG AT AGE 11 (SEE COOPER BIO FOR THAT STORY) AND ALSO DID HIS FIRST
STINT AT THE PRESTIGIOUS CHARLES NELSON REILLY SCHOOL FOR WAYWARD BOYS.
THIS IS WHERE HE MET HIS HERO? THE EYEPATCH. HE WAS IN AND OUT OF JUVI
TIL HE WAS 18 THEN DISSAPEARED FOR A WHILE. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM IS
STILL A MYSTERY BUT SOMETIME YEARS LATER HE MET UP WITH THE EYEPATCH
AND FORMED COOPER'S DIGNITY. THERE ARE MANY IN THE INNER CIRCLE THAT
SAY THE INK IS THE BRAINCHILD BEHIND THE BAND AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR
MOST OF THEIR SUCCESS YET TAKES A BACK SEAT SO THAT ALL THE ACCOLADES
GO TO HIS HERO THE EYEPATCH. HE IS SAID TO BE A GENIUS AT MARKETING,
ALA GENE SIMMONS, AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MOST IF NOT ALL OF THE WRITING
FOR COOPER, THUS HIS LABEL, THE INK.. (O.K. LET'S CUT THE BULLSHIT.
HE AIN'T THAT SMART. ACTUALLY HE BORDERS ON BEING A RETARD, AND TO BE
THE BRIANS BEHIND COOPER AIN'T MUCH TOO SAY. AS FAR AS HIS NAME THEY
SHOULD CALL HIM THE MOUTH CAUSE THE BOY CANT' STOP EATING) ONE THING
IS FOR SURE, HIS LOYALTY TO THE EYEPATCH. (HEY, HE'S STUPID BUT EVEN
THE DUMBEST OF DOGS KNOWS NOT TO BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS HIM) HE IS
BASICALLY JUST A YES MAN, AND WILL AGREE WITH ANYTHING THE EYEPATCH
SAYS, THUS INFURIATING THE BAND AND THEIR MANAGEMENT OVER THE YEARS.
THEY SHOULD CALL HIM THE BITCH CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE IS TO THE EYEPATCH.
RUMORS ARE THAT THE EYPATCH PROTECTED HIM ALL THOSE YEARS IN JUVI AND
EVEN ATTEMPTED TO KILL HIS MOM'S FOR HIM, RESULTING IN THE LOSS OF HIS
EYE WHEN SHE SLICED HIM WITH A WHISKEY BOTTLE. HE HAS A VORACIOUS APPETITE
FOR 2 THINGS. FOOD AND WOMEN. UNFORTUNATLEY HE'S ONLY GOOD AT GETTING
ONE AND I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS WHICH. HE IS NOT VERY TALENTED AND CAN
BARELY GET THROUGH A SONG WITHOUT HYPERVENTALATING, BUT HE IS THE PATCH'S
ALLY. LATELY THOUGH IT SEEMS THE INK IS EVEN BECOMING UPSET WITH SOME
OF THE LATEST EYEPATCH ESCAPADES AND IS LOOKING TO BREAK AWAY BUT FRANKLY
HE IS A LAZY BASTARD WHO AIN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING.
DID YOU KNOW? THE INK ONCE WENT TO JAIL FOR BEATING UP A MCDONALDS
EMPLOYEE FOR NOT SERVING HIM BREAKFAST AFTER 11:A.M. THE STUPID BASTARD
DID'NT REALIZE IT WAS 5 IN THE AFTERNOON.
WHAT THE INK LIKES. YEAH WE KNOW, FOOD, BUT WHAT ELSE
FAVORITE BAND- FAT BOYS
FAVORITE DRINK- LARGE MR. SOFTEE CHOCOLATE SHAKE
FAVORITE ACTOR- DOM DELUISE
FAVORITE ACTRESS- ANNA NICOLE SMITH
FAVORITE MOVIE- ANYTHING PORNOGRAPHIC WITH ONLY WOMEN OF COURSE, YEAH
THAT'S RIGHT
THE INKS DREAM A DINNER IN HIS HONOR (OPEN BAR OF COURSE, FOOD AND DRINK)
AND AN AFTER PARTY FEATURING A DOZEN MIDGETS, A WATERBED, TWO ROULETTE
WHEELS, A WHAT'S HAPPENING MARATHON AND THE GIRLS FROM CHARMED (ALL
NAKED) AS HIS DESSERT WHILE A RADIO ANNOUNCER REPORTS "THIS JUST
IN, THE EYEPATCH HAS BEEN FOUND DEAD"
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Cooper Main
