Cooper's Dignity - You Can't Take My Dignity!

THE EYEPATCH-ENTERTAINER EXTROARDINAIRE

HE IS THE MAIN EVENT, THE SHOW STOPPER, THE WHOLE F'N SHOW THE MONEY MAKER. OFTEN IMITATED NEVER DUPLICATED. MAN OF THE HOUR, TOWER OF POWER AND DAMNIT WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR. HE IS THE EYEPATCH. LEADER OF COOPER'S DIGNITY. AND HIS STORY IS SOMETHING ELSE. IT BEGINS ON THE ROUGH AND TUMBLE STREETS OF WEEHAWKEN N.J.(O.K. IT'S NOT NEWARK OR CAMDEN BUT IT HAS ITS PROBLEMS) EYEPATCH WAS CONTROVERSIAL SINCE THE DAY HE WAS BORN. RUMOR IS THAT HE WAS BORN 2 MONTHS EARLY AND HIS DOCTOR, AFTER SPENDING ALL NIGHT AT THE FAMOUS CHICO BAR IN UNION CITY, WAS WASTED AND COULD BARELY DELIVER HIM. HE WAS SO DRUNK THAT WHILE CUTTING THE EMBILLICAL CORD HE SLIPPED AND ACCIDENTALLY JAMMED THE CUTTERS IN THE PATCH'S EYE THUS POKING IT OUT. YEARS LATER, WHEN THE EYEPATCH LEARNED WHAT HAPPENED HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND STABBED THE DOCTOR 86 TIMES IN THE BALLS WITH THOSE SAME CUTTERS. THIS WAS THE FIRST OF MANY RUN INS WITH THE LAW. NOT MUCH IS KNOWN OF HIS FAMILY LIFE. RUMOR IS HIS FATHER WAS EITHER SAMMY DAVIS JR. OR CAPT. MORGAN. (SEE PICTURE BELOW) BY AGE 6 HE WAS A BONA-FIDE HOODLUM. HE WAS THUG LIFE BEFORE IT EVER EXSISTED. BY AGE 8 HE WAS RUNNIN NUMBERS FOR LOCAL HOODS. HE DID HIS FIRST STINT IN THE YOUTH HOUSE AT AGE 9. UPON HIS RELEASE HE BEGAN HANGIN AROUND LOCAL POOL HALLS HUSTLIN FOR MONEY. SUPPOSEDLY ON ONE SUCH HUSTLE, HE WAS BEAT DOWNAND HAD A POOL CUE SHOVED IN HIS EYE SOCKET THUS RESULTING IN THE LOSS OF HIS EYE. RUMOR IS HE WAS ALSO SODOMIZED WITH THAT STICK. 3 DAYS LATER HE BURNT DOWN NOT JUST THE POOL HALL BUT THE HOUSE OF EVERY MAN WHO BEAT HIM DOWN. HE WAS SENT THIS TIME TO THE ILLUSTRIOUS PAUL LYNDE HOME FOE WAYWARD BOYS. IT WAS DURING THIS STINT THAT HE MET UP WITH THE MAG AND THE INK (SEE COOPER BIO) HE WAS RELEASED AT AGE 13 AND CONTINUED HIS LIFE OF CRIME. BY AGE 16 HE WAS INTO GUN RUNNING, NARCOTICS, PROSTITUTION AND ILLEGAL GAMBLING. HOWEVER AT THIS TIME HE BECAME A CULT HERO IN HIS COMMUNITY. HE SPONSORED THE ANNUAL 4TH OF JULY PARTY IN HIS NEIGHBORHOOD BY PROVIDING FIREWORKS, BEVERAGES AND HIS MOM'S HOME MADE ARMENIAN PIZZA'S. HE MAY HAVE ALSO PROVIDED HIS MOM'S TO THE LOCAL GENTLEMEN BUT THIS IS JUST SPECULATION. IT WAS AT ONE OF THESE PARTIES THAT HIS FRIEND? THE INK POINTED A BOTTLE ROCKET INTO THE CROWD PROMPTING THE EYEPATCH TO JUMP IN FRONT OF A GROUP OF CHILDREN TO PROTECT THEM THUS RESULTING IN THE LOSS OF HIS EYE WHEN THE ROCKET HIT HIM DEAD IN HIS RIGHT SOCKET LATER IT WAS REVEALED THAT THEY WERE'NT CHILDREN BUT AN ORGANIZED CRIME SYNDICATE KNOWN AS THE MIDGET MOB. THEY WERE PLANNING ON TAKING OVER THE EYEPATCH'S TURF. THEY MADE A DEAL WITH THE INK, BUT THE INK KNOWS WHERE HIS BREAD IS BUTTERED ( AND STACKED WITH HAM, BOLOGNA AND CHEESE) AND SET THEM UP.THE PATCH FORGAVE HIM FOR THE LOSS OF HIS EYE. THE MIDGETS HOWEVER WERE NOT SO LUCKY. THE PATCH ROUNDED THEM UP, SHOVED THERE ASSES INTO A PINTO AND PUSHED THEM OFF THE BLUFFS TO THEIR FIERY DEATH. HE WAS APPREHENDED BY AUTHORITIES AND SERVED MORE HARD TIME. BUT SINCE THEY WERE MIDGETS THE JUDGE GAVE HIM A SHORT SENTENCE (NOW THAT IS BAD) IT WAS AT THIS TIME ,WHILE SERVING TIME AT THE JALLEEL WHITE CORECTIONAL FACILTY. HE HELPED FOUND THE MUSIC FOR INMATES PROGRAM. (THAT'S RIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS, IT WAS EYEPATCH, DON'T BELIEVE THAT VH1 BULLCRAP. THE PATCH WAS THE INNOVATOR ) AFTER YEARS OF GOOD BEHAVIOR HE WAS RELEASED AND SET OUT TO FORM THE GREATEST ROCK N ROLL BAND EVER. IT NEVER HAPPENED SO HE FORMED COOPERS DIGNITY. THE BAND TOURED FOR YEARS AND SOLD MILLIONS OF RECORDS BUT HE JUST COULDN'T SHAKE HIS PAST. HIS REPUTATION FOLLOWED HIM EVRYWHERE AND ONE NIGHT IN HONG KONG ON THE LET'S ROCK FOR PEACE TOUR 95 IT FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH HIM. A FAN IN THE FRONT ROW CONTINUALLY FLIPPED OFF THE PATCH ALL NIGHT AND HE COULDN'T TAKE IT NO MORE. BETWEEN THE FIGHTING IN THE BAND, THE DOZENS OF LAWSUITS AND HIS HOT/COLD ROMANCE WITH THE NOW DECEASED LEFT EYE LOPES, HE FINALLY SNAPPED AND ATTACKED THE FAN PUMMELING HIM MERCILESSLY AND HOSPITALIZING HIM. IT TURNED OUT THAT THE FAN WAS NOT GIVING HIM THE FINGER BUT WAS PROCLAIMING " COOPA NUMBA 1' "PATCH NUMBA ONE ROCKER" IT ALSO SEEMS HE WASN'T JUST A FAN BUT WAS THE SON OF THE CHINESE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE AND WAS A GUEST OF THE BAND. THEIR MANAGER FORGOT TO TELL EYEPATCH. NOT ONLY DID THIS KILL THE BAND, IT SET BACK DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS WITH CHINA FOR 10 YEARS. COOPER ARE STILL BANNED FROM PLAYING ANYWHERE IN THE FAR EAST. UPON RETURNING TO AMERICA HE WAS ARRESTED AND DID TIME. THE CHARGES WERE FRIVOLOUS BUT BASICALLY, SINCE HE ALMOST STARTED WW 3, THEY JUST HAD TO LOCK HIM UP. HE SERVED A FEW YEARS AND WAS RELEASED IN 2000. HE IMMEDIATELY SET OUT ON HIS FIRST SOLO VENTURE. BUT, WITHOUT PLAYING ONE SHOW, HE VIOLATED PAROLE AND WAS SENT BACK TO THE PEN. WHILE SERVING TIME HE MET THE PIMP (SEE PIMP BIO) AND UPON HIS RELEASE FROM THE AHMED JOHNSON PENETENTAIRY, HE REFORMED COOPER'S DIGNITY AND IS SET TO EMBARK ON THERE COMEBACK TOUR. UNLESS HE FUCKS UP AND VIOLATES PAROLE. WE SHALL SEE...
BIGGEST INFLUENCES BUSTER POINDEXTER, DAVID LEE ROTH, FELIPE ROSE (A.K.A. THE INDIAN FROM THE VILLAGE PEOPLE, PAT COOPER, FREDDIE MERCURY, CHER, SAMMY DAVIS Jr. AND ANY IDIOT WHO GETS ON STAGE TO ENTERTAIN. ANY JACKASS CAN SING . BUT NOT EVERYBODY CAN ENTERTAIN! AND NOBODY ENTERTAINS LIKE THE EYEPATCH!!

FAVORITE MOVIE- ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (PRISON AND PATCHES)
FAVORITE BAND- N'SYNC (BUT HE WILL NEVER ADMIT IT)
FAVORITE FOOD- ARMENIAN PIZZA (LAHMAHJUN)
FAVORITE PRISON- OSWALD STATE

THE EYEPATCH'S DREAM IS...TO FINALLY LEAD A NORMAL LIFE. TO SETTLE DOWN AND GET MARRIED TO A LOVELY YOUNG LADY AND RUN AWAY TO JERSEY CITY AND LEAVE HIS PAST BEHIND HIM. NO MORE LOOSE WOMEN THROWING THEMSELVES AT HIM, NO MORE BOUTS WITH HEROINE, NO MORE PRISON SEX AND ANGRY MOBS OF PEOPLE SURROUNDING HIM EVERYWHERE HE GOES. NO MORE ALCOHOL INDUCED EPISODES OF ALL NIGHT SEX PARTIES WITH STRANGERS. AND TO ALSO KNOW HOW IT IS TO HAVE TWO FRIGGIN EYES.

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